In-fucking-credile. That's what tonight was, I tell you. I got Zack early, with Grama's car (aka The Boat) because Mom was a lot later than she said she was going to be. We laid around, and it was fantastic.
Why dick around?...Dashboard was amazing. Incredible. I had a fucking blast. And to see Zack sitting next to me (staring at me while I sang along I might add) made it all the better. It wasn't such a great night because I saw Dashboard. It wasn't such a great night because Beck kicked ass. It was great because I shared it with Zack. Another experience I'm glad to have had, honored to have shared with him, and happier because of it. Not because of the bands, simply because he was there. With me. Kissing me, hugging me, laughing, staring...he was just there. And that's all I need for the rest of my life.
I want him to know about me. I want to be able to open up to him like he needs me to, and I think I've done a good job of that. I think I've told him things (that I haven't told other people) that are helping him realize that I need his trust, compassion and simple love. I just need his presence. He's going to trust me again. I have no doubt in my mind that someday I'll be able to get him to trust me again. I'm a strong person (at least I used to be, why not let the Old Shannon come out and kick some ass?) I should be able to get the man I love to understand what goes on in my fucked up little head. I want him to know all about me. I want him to know every last detail of my life, my proudest moments, what I'm most afraid of, what I'm happiest about...he needs to know all of it to truly love me. And he's so close to knowing it all...
I love him so much.
...I just wish I knew how to tell him in the right ways. In the ways he needs to be shown and told. He just needs to know how fucking amazing he is.
