So after a shitty day, a painful day, a boring day of being dragged around all of Fairfax and Springfield I get even more pissed off when I get home. I didn't even WANT to talk about it online, I knew that I would want to talk about it face-to-face or on the phone, but the persistance was shining through again so I ended up getting so frustrated I cracked. God dammit! I can't describe the anger I posses right now. I need angry music right now. I had asked and told him not to bring them up, because how could it not piss me off? We had been dating for like a week when I told him I didn't want to talk about it. Then a week later and a week later I said the same damn thing. I am the one person who hates to repeat everything I say because then I feel like a broken record and stupid, feeling like no one listens to me. But no, he kept presisting bringing both of them up constantly. More than he probably realizes. I have reason to be upset though right? I mean...I have the right to be upset don't I?
I know you're wondering what it is I hate talking about so much. Simple. My smoking cigarettes in the past. And the infamous Spring Break "encounter" with Dennis. The point is they're in the past...and I'm not a person who likes to talk about her past because I hated my childhood, I still do and have always had shit self esteem, i see nothing good about myself and every relationship with a friend, except for Emily (I mean best friend) was thrown down the drain because for some reason the other person hated me. I hate my fucking past, why is it always brought up?
And how come my Brain Twin is always online to call me a slut just like I call her except for when I need her??? =) Katie...e-mail me or IM me whenever you can...you said that you were always there the other day and you told me that you loved me when you thought I needed to hear that. I need it now.
And I always tell myself not to go to bed mad. Looks like I'll be staying up all night long, not because I'm mad at him, I'm more mad at myself. Just another regret to add to the list.
