One more week. One more week and the one day I used to dream about in seventh grade will be here; my last day of public school. The last day that I will be forced to go to a school I don't like, full of people I can't stand.... And some of my best friends in the world.
I was dumb. I alienated myself from any prospective friends, pushed them away and secluded myself in my bedroom with my boyfriend to get wonderful moments of orgasm or cuddling that I crave to escape the daily hinderances of high school drama. I regret that. I hate living with regret, also. I wish I became better friends with theatre people, I wish I'd done Blithe Spirit. I should've auditioned, or at least done hair crew or makeup crew or something. I should've talked more with Claire and Jessie, and not been so snobbish to Michelle in math, because I'm now learning that she is a really cool girl.
I'm learning not to give a shit that my Psychology teacher doesn't know my name, because I can't stand the woman anyways, so what's the point in complaining about it? I'm learning that it really didn't matter that I got all of my homework in on sometimes in all classes, because not every teacher pays attention. I should've read every book I was assigned to read this year, because it would've been nice to actually finish One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest or Macbeth, even though I just know how they end.
I should've paid more attention to detail, and stopped rushing through everything to get to graduation.
A month ago I wasn't ready for it. A week ago I wasn't ready, and even right now I'm partially not ready for graduation. I love seeing Zack for ten minutes between every class. I like waking up and seeing the same people every day, because I do love a lot of them. I'm going to miss all the familiar teachers and F/X Players, and bad mouthing Dr. Thomson. But I'm becoming more and more ready to see what else is out there.
I'll be working my ass off this summer, I'm considering getting a new job with better hours. I'm going to read all those books on my shelves that I swear I'll read and never get to (like 1984...) I'm going to work and and get in shape, I'm going to get a tan. I'm going to keep in touch with people, and get out of the house even if it's to sit on the curb and do nothing. I'm going to spend more time with my Mom, and spend the night with Grandma. I'm going to go to Fredericksburg and see my grandparents.
I'm going to spend a week with Zack at the beach, and go to Kings Dominion as much as possible. I'm going to go downtown more, and take advantage of the fact that we live so close to DC. I'm going to see Hilary Duff in concert (I better!) and spend a ridiculous amount of money on Zack for his birthday. I'm going to save up, pay Zack back, and get everything back in order.
I need to grow up. I need to stop being so whiny and childish, and learn that there's more to life than my bedroom and the office.
...I also say this every summer, so half of it probably won't happen. Meh.
