I spazzed out earlier.
I feel like I'm being forced to feel like everything right now is my fault. I don't feel that it is, I'm sorry. I wasn't the one who didn't say anything about the surgery, or say something nice when I started dating Zack again. I know that I keep talking about this and won't get over it, but this sucks. Why do I have to break the ice? And about you having to do it all the time, that's bull shit and you know it. You're quoting Jessie Howard is what you're doing. You having to break the ice is ridiculous, because this has never happened before, there's never been ice for you to break before. So that's just a lie, and I have no problem saying that.
But if you feel like you can't talk to me when I'm emotionally drained, and am depressed because of everything going on in my family (none of which you probably know about) then fine. Keep telling me about Laura and Kyle...two people I can't stand. Keep telling me about Homecoming, something you know I don't care about. Fine. I'll put a smile on my face and put in my 2 cents and pretend like I care, when all the while I'm wondering why you just don't say, "How's your Mom doing?"
I don't want to put Brandie in the middle of all of this, that's unfair to her and it's unfair to me. I don't want her to think that when we have shit going on that she has to be the mediator, which is what's happening.
So, the car rides to school will become even more awkward and strained.
Meanwhile...
I patched things up with Heather today. Which was one thing that made me happy. She wrote me a note, I wrote her back...afterwards she gave me a hug. That felt good.
Today, overall though, was really tough. I had a bad day, and I haven't even tackled half of what's going on.
My cat's all right, though. Turns out she was hiding and my Mom came in my room at 10:30 to tell me so, she was so afriad she'd lost our cat. Silly Mommy.
*sigh*
I just have to calm down, I've got too much going on right now to be dealing with. I don't even know why I bother with some of this sometimes. I can fool people with a smile and make them think that life is perfect, when all the while I'm miserable and want to crawl into a corner and die.
...and no. I don't want to talk about.
