Ok, this is a note to Emily but I need everyone to see it:
I don't know what to fucking do. Why do people care so much? It's like ok-I'm sorry-I didn't realize I wasn't allowed to make my own damned decisions. It's like no one takes me seriously anymore-everything I do is wrong. Then I start questioning myself and my decisions . I regrot not one thing that I did at that party. I'm not ashamed of anything I did at the party, why can't people just fucking accept that? Can't I live my OWN life?...without having to worry about making a big ass deal of it. This fucking sucks, Ihate this feeling. I can't describe it...I'm so confused! I'm pissed off. It's almost as though some people have lost respect for me-well fuck them. I'm stuck at rehearsals and have no one to talk to, they won't get me like you do. Ok, I'm done for the show. I just think that...people...no matter what I say are going to give me their opinion. It's like they get some sort of "high" by telling me how dirty I sound, or that they've heard that I'm a dyke, whatever. I don't care anymore. It's not worth it. So I don't have their respect. Fuck them! Ok I'm done.
That's the note. Bitch, bitch, bitch. Whine, whine, whine...I know that's all I ever seem to do. I just hate that people can't accept the fact that I'm NOT ashamed of what happened. Anyways...
I feel bad for Krissy. She seems so lost, all of the sudden distant. I want her to talk to me but I understand that she doesn't want to. I'm here for her, but it's totally cool that she doesn't wanna "pour our her heart and soul", I don't expect her too. But I love her, and we had gossip time in the car, the highlight of my day. I love you Krissy!
Anyways...
I'd better go. That 70's show is on ALL night tonight...so I'm happy. But, I'm going to go take a shower now.
