Sometimes the immaturity of people really gets to me. I mean, I've worked hard not to be this huge fuck up in life. I work (relatively) hard on school. I mean, I don't take that extra leap that would probably help me get into Mason or Madison, but I do pretty well just doing what I do. I don't sit in my room and wallow in self pity, wondering why I don't have any friend...instead I get out there. I played basketball Freshman year. I joined theatre. I've got friends that care about me and a boyfriend that's in love with me. I care about myself now, which is a pretty big deal, compared to how I used to feel, back in the day. I read to try and become more educated, I write because it's a passion, I take care of my sister because I want lots of kids, I work on my relationship where it needs it the most because I need it to work, I talk with my family because they're going to be there when my friends aren't. I've gone through depression, cancer, death, amputations, arthritis, miscarriages...you name it, I've had to experience them in one way or another.
But when something that made me feel like I was worthless, and didn't deserve friends, and was degraded because of it is brought up six years after the fact...I feel low again. I feel like striving to be "something" has all been a waste and has been for no good reason.
It's amazing that Fred can make me feel like shit, when the truth is his opinion of me doens't matter at all.
I was in a good mood. Then I talked to Fred. I was hoping to be in a better mood...but pizza was on the way to Zack's.
I'm going to take a shower.
