My life is turning out to be just one big giant shit hole. I'm warning you: the biggest rant and depressed fest is approaching, so it's you're in a good mood...turn back now. I plan on ruining it.
No one in Zack's family takes us seriously. And none of that is my fault. It's hard knowing that the man you love is the reason that no one in his family takes us seriously. Yeah, I know, your son is 16, yeah...the fact that I'm 17 has come up in our marriage talk and plans to stay together...that doesn't mean that you have a right not to take us seriously! That doesn't mean that we don't love each other, or aren't capable to fall in love! Who cares how young we are?! Why, no matter what the circumstances, does this always seem to be the underlying problem whenever anything comes up between them? I don't get it?
I've done absolutely everything I can to make my Mom well aware of how happy Zack makes me, because no one else is responsible, and it would be a lie to credit anyone else for the happiness. Maybe I'm just closer to my parents...maybe I just want her to know instead of having her bitch about Zack to me all the fucking time.
I hate his fucking family, I can't believe I'm going to have to share holidays with these people. I get no respect for Annah or Zoe, but they're Zack's family, so I should be shelling it out right? Fuck that. I can solve that problem: I won't go to Zack's house anymore.
So, on Friday, when my Father will be moving out of the country, I'll be going on the Metro to National Airport in the middle of the afternoon. By myself. I'll also be returning, no doubt crying the entire way, by myself. Why, you may ask? Why, Shannon, are you...one of the most unstable emotional persons I have ever met, going to go to an airport to say goodbye to your father, all alone? When you'll be sobbing the entire way back to your car, hoping that as every moment goes by the Metro will derail and you won't have to deal with this shit anymore?
Oh, that's easy. Zack's Mom doesn't understand why I would need him there. She thinks that we're basing too many decisions off of one another, and doesn't think we need to be together every second. Maybe she's right, maybe we don't need to be together every second of the day...but why doesn't she fucking understand that I'm going to need him at that moment more than I have needed anyone else...ever?
I don't get it.
I was planning on sleeping tonight, but the likelyhood of that actually happening is falling down the tube. I've been crying for the past half hour, waiting for Mom to go downstairs so I could sneak into the office and finally write this.
The worst part is that on Wednesday and Thursday I've got to work the Book Fair with his Mom for Civ hours, pretending that I actually like her or respect her as a person, when all I'll feel like doing is crushing her under the stacks of books. I can be fake, put on a smile when I feel like crying...but I have no idea how I'll be able to pull this off.
I'm sorry to disappoint you, DeiTos, but I am definitely not strong enough for this.
My life is such shit.
