All of the sudden I just got really, really clingy. I actually cried when he got here. What's going on with me lately? My emotions are all out of whack, it's too easy to blame it on the Birth Control, isn't it?
Zack's birthday is in 10 days. I'm both excited and nervous, mainly because of what I've gotten/am planning on getting him for presents. I've tried really hard on them, put a bunch of thought into it. But part of me think that it's not going to be enough and he'll be expecting something more.
What's with me always dreading stuff lately? Hmm...
I miss my friends. I miss Jenn and Andi and Morgan, as psychotic as they can be...I always feel at home when I'm with them. I miss(ed) Meredith, but fun times last night watching Harry Potter and being nerds. I miss seeing people everyday. At the end of the school year I'm always ready to run out of there, not looking back for three months. But I miss them...this year I was closer to a lot more seniors than I had been previous years. Krissy, Mike, Anthony, Heather, Gastrock...when am I ever going to see them again? I may see Krissy down the line. I'll end up running into Mike, Heather and Gastrock one day with Meredith. I'll randomly talk to Anthony online about Harry Potter...but it's going to be so far and few between. It sucks.
I wish Zack were here. He stopped by for a few minutes to pick up his Season Pass to Kings Dominion. He, Tyler and Annah are going to see Weird Al today. I need him here though, doesn't he know that? I started crying. I didn't want him to stay. I'm selfish and I'm childish...I could've thrown a hissy-fit I was so clingy. I'm not going to be able to lay around with him until Monday night, and that's if we're both able to.
I remember before we started dating we used to always fight. We would smack each other around and push...relentless flirting. It was only a matter of time before we started dating.
Then there was the time I gave him the perfect oppertunity to kiss me...and he didn't. Bastard. He was leaving, so I went outside to say bye. We weren't dating yet, we might as well have been, but I pulled him towards me and we just rested on each other's foreheads. I waited...praying that he would kiss me. He didn't, and when I went inside I was furious at myself for making the first move.
Then there was the time that I finally did make the first move. Leaving the make-up room backstage, we rounded the corner where no one could see us, and I pulled him into a me. A kiss that left him shocked for a good five seconds (he made no movement...a complete standstill. Totally freaked me out.) Then Zaal opened the door...so we left.
I remember when Mom walked in on us making out one time. "Stop it..." she joked. I remember those days...long, long ago.
I remember when he gave me my heart necklace, and my bracelet. I remember when he told me to marry him at conference in January...I remember when I told him to do the same a month or so back.
I don't write about that stuff enough in here. His most romantic moments. I don't write about our relentless tickling fights, when I only prove to him that I can beat him up (yea, I wish.) About the random moments when he gets me something and how much it means to me. I write in here when I'm most upset, when something's gone wrong.
I don't want everyone out there to think that my boyfriend isn't the greatest thing in the world to me. I couldn't live without him, I hope he knows that. This past week has been quite a mess...but dammit no more, please. I need to look into his eyes and not see so much hurt...I want them shining like when he truly smiles. I love you, Zack.
Hope you're thinking of me too...
