It's absolutely ridiculous that I can ruin such a wonderful night as easily as I can. Because in the future, when I look back on our One Year Anniversary, on October 8, all I'm going to remember is eating in silence, arguing, and crying. That's not what I wanted! I wanted a perfect night with no flaws and for nothing to be wrong. Yeah, we made up soon after and got to lay in bed with each other, but for the most part, all I'm going to think about is how horrible I am.
I didn't realize what I was saying. I didn't know that I was mirroring something I had said so long ago. I hope he knows that, because if any part of me had realized what was going on I would have kept my fucking mouth shut.
I do get jealous of Dave. He gets to take Zack to fucking Randallstown to look at fish. Dave? Jealous of Dave? I know! It's embarassing that I stand at work, miserable, because I know that Zack's having a great time. I want to be the one to take him to get his fucking fish. I'm being selfish, and it seems like I'm trying to keep Zack all to myself...
you know what? I am. And I'm fucking fine with that.
